Who's in charge of ME?

Sometimes I feel I am so on top of things and the next minute so far behind. When I have a specific routine, I feel I get so much more accomplished and feel I am going somewhere. But when left to doing day-to-day hap-hazardly, I realize how undisciplined I really am.

I depend on menus weekly and if I don't make them and shop over the weekend I find myself running to the store everyday. What a waste of time...If only I make time during the weekend, the rest of the week goes so much better.

I depend on weekly lesson plans at school. I HATE that I am required to turn them in to my dean of instruction, but truth is, I have a much better week than when I just teach wing it.

I depend on daily time with God.... if I don't get it, my whole rest of the day feels one step behind. I find I want someone or something else to "feed me" so I don't have to take responsibility for it myself. For so long I was accustomed to the church providing my study time, my worship time, even my prayer time. When I was first left to my own resources, I somewhat panicked.

I think I have begun to realize that one of the reasons people come to our church and then leave is that they don’t find here someone doing Bible study for them (at least not the way they/we have been used to), providing the kind of prayer times they expect, or think is the ‘right’ way to do it.

One of the problems with the church being the provider for my study, worship and prayer time is if I happen to not be there, or have needs that don’t come up on Saturday night, then I am lost and feel the church isn’t meeting my needs. When in reality, my experience has been if I go to God myself for those needs to be met, then I am prepared to give a cup of cool water to some sojourner along the way – not a whole meal…just enough to wet his appetite and walk along with him to show him how to draw the water for himself.

I am afraid we have raised up a generation of Christians that are consumer-driven and go looking for a place or group of people who can give them what they need and when the well is dry, move on to somewhere else. It is like that in all of life….it’s all about MY needs and wants.

I know every person is in a different place in life…but for me, I do lesson plans NOW because I have experienced what it is like to be prepared come Monday morning when those kindergartners come in. Same way with my relationship with God – I pray and study and worship daily because I know and have seen what is out there when I walk out my door each day. I can’t depend on other people to do that for me…I have to put that armor of God on daily!

(Where in the world did this come from? Sometimes things just get to rolling around in me and I have the need to just get it out….guess it is a good thing that I have not blogged much lately – maybe no one will read this….or no one will even care….that’s a-ok with me!)