Each has his own story

I can't believe it has been a month since I last wrote. Not that what I have to say is earth-shaking or profound, but I think bits of things that I encounter in life are worth putting out into cyber-space. For whom, I don't know, but even if for only me to go back and read, it is worth the "space" I suppose.

Carlos is one of those "bits" that I hope I don't soon forget. He came to my class the middle of the second week of school. He had been in school since the first week, but no one could figure out were he belonged. You see, due to some health issues - surgery and recovery and I am not sure of what else - his parents have been pretty protective of him. So, turning 7 on Oct. 3, Carlos entered Kindergarten for the FIRST time ever going to school. Being from a Spanish-speaking home, he was put into the bilingual Kindergarten/1st grade class. After a week of school, the teacher decided that although he spoke Spanish, that English must be his dominate language because he knew nothing academically in Spanish- numbers, letters, colors - nothing. Plus with being so much older and larger than the kindergartners in the class, maybe he should be in the English 1st grade - afterall, he spoke both languages equally. Oh, one other thing....Carlos is about 4ft. 10in. tall and weighs about 140 lbs (according to his dad - we are talking a BIG 7 year old!)

The 2nd week of school, Carlos was transferred to an English 1st grade class, thinking his size was more important than his academics at this point. Hoping he would catch on and catch up pretty quickly, now being in his language of learning experiences, the first grade teacher spend some extra time with him to help him catch up with the class. It didn't take long to discover he knew as little in English as he did in Spanish. Realizing that he was going to need the basics before he could move on, once again, Carlos was moved to a 3rd class in 2 weeks - my kindergarten class.

By now, poor Carlos is feeling quite unstable. I am sure this moving from place to place had to be quite scary. When the assistant principal brought him to me, her words were, "We don't know what to do with him- he knows nothing in English or Spanish." Now I need you to understand, he can communicate in both languages quite well, which will serve him well one day. But for now, he doesn't know A from 5 or red from green in either language. And there seems to be some difficulty in retaining any information he is given. He has a long way to go to catch up with other children his age.

But this is not all of the story..... when he came into my room, he was quite upset so they asked if his mom could stay with him for the transition. Of course, I said yes. So for the rest of the week, either Mom or Dad or adult Sister were in the class with him. When one would leave, he would cry hysterically and try to leave with them. Remember, 140 lbs. - he weighs more than me! There is no way I can physically keep him in my room! So, the routine continued ....Mom or Dad come with him and then they do a "changing of the guards" mid-day. This goes on day after day after day.....I speak with the dad whose English is much better than the mom's. He says the doctor has said he has major anxiety and that given time and patience, he will adjust.

Now, I have to tell you in all my years as a mother and as a teacher, my stance has been to ease the anxious child in, assure him of your love and that you will return and then leave. He may cry, but eventually he will stop and get involved and be ok. It may take a day or two, but consistency will pay off. Not with Carlos! As we tried all tactics, when he would be left, he would run out of the room crying. Now any other kindergartner I could catch and hold in my lap, rubbing his back and soothing his tears. Not Carlos! First of all, I can't physically get him back in the room and secondly, he won't fit on my lap!!!

So day after day, Mom and Dad are faithful to attend class. Fortunately, Dad is a bartender at a local restaurant so he works late afternoons and nights. Dad is the better of the 2 to be there because he just sits in the room by the window, away from where we are working. Mom wants to sit right with Carlos. Mom realizes she has babied and spoiled this child, but doesn't know how to change this.

At recess, Dad gets Carlos to play soccer with him and the other little boys, knowing he really needs to exercise. After about 4 weeks of being there every day, Dad begins to leave the room, telling Carlos he will be outside and will return. Carlos is hestitate, but begins to accept this. Then he slowly moves to where he is gone for longer periods of time - stands outside the cafeteria so Carlos can see him, waits outside while they are in music or PE, leaves while we are resting.

In the course of all of this, my past experiences as well as thoughts and feelings are saying "Enough is enough! Let this child go!" But something inside of me says, maybe they know their child better than I do. Maybe they know something about him that I don't know. So I continue to love Carlos, encourage him, find ways to make him smile, find ways to include him and allow him to do some "leadership" jobs in the class.

The day finally comes - Friday, Oct. 15. Dad leaves Carlos at the door and says he will return to get him. I didn't realize he meant that afternoon after school! But that is what happened. After 7 1/2 weeks of being in my class, Carlos finally stays the WHOLE day without a parent with him! At the end of the day, we all celebrate with Carlos! We give him words of praise. I give him a "Way to Go" certificate with stickers on it. The other children cheer for him! He has made it through the whole day without tears! What a big grin he left with that day! Funny, no one ever asked questions about Carlos or his parents being there with him. Nor did they tease him - they just accepted him for who he is.

I wish I could honestly say it was something I did or said that finally made it ok for him to attend school alone, but I can't. I truly give the credit to his parents who knew and loved their child enough to go the extra mile for him and do whatever it takes to make him feel good about where he is. I keep remembering that they have children older and younger than Carlos and this is the only one that needed this special care.

As I said in the beginning, Carlos turned 7 on Oct. 3. A week later, Sunday, Oct. 10, he had a birthday party at his house and I was invited. I was already having a party at my house that night so I went by with a card and gift thinking I would just come and go. They were having fajitas and before I could turn around twice I was sitting at a table with a family from Angola that also have children at GLEC eating a great Mexican feast. I think they were somewhat surprised that I came, but I think it was the best thing I could have ever done. I entered their 4th Ward world for a few minutes and learned a little more about Carlos's family. It was the following Friday that Carlos had his first day in school alone. We both had learned to accept each other for who we were.

As Paul Harvey would say, and now for the rest of the story: Monday afternoon, his second day at school alone, at recess Carlos sat by me. He looked up at me and said " My dad is at home. My mom is at home." I responded, " Yes, and you are doing just fine, aren't you?" He said, "Yes, I am not afraid anymore," and smiled. And when he went off to play, I cried.

Carlos still has a long road ahead of him. He still is not learning his letter names or sounds and still can't tell me what color shirt he is wearing, but I think today he is in a much better position to be able to learn or even get tested so we can find out what is in the way of his learning!

Thank you, God, for this time, not "leaning on my own understanding" and instead listening your quiet nudge saying, "Wait, just wait. Be patient with this child of mine."
May I never get so caught up in what I think I know that I don't listen to that still, small voice that knows so much more than I.